Why do we Fight?
Oh, this is one topic I always
wanted to avoid. But one topic is really wanted to write about. Why? Because I
grew from an extremely short-tempered person to hopelessly calm person in a
matter of a few years. What changed that? Why did I used to fight? Why does
anyone even fight? Is it necessary? How does it affect us and the people around
us?
Everyone of us have fought. Be it
with siblings for small irrelevant things, or with parents out of stubbornness
or difference in opinion in or with friends for any reason whatsoever or with a
special someone for reasons that seem stupid just after a few minutes. And a lot
of times in the midst of the fight we realise that we are wrong but we still
continue to fight just to prove ourselves right. This habit of trying to prove ourselves right all the time is the
primary reason for most of the fights and arguments. It gives a lot of
pleasure to be proven right and it satisfies our ego too. And I guess that
sometimes decides the winner in the fight. Sometimes the fight is almost over,
but you end up saying one small thing (which you know you shouldn’t) that
starts the whole thing all over again. There are some fights in which one
person is genuinely at fault, in that case the best thing you could do is
apologise and wait for the other person to forgive you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean
that they will talk to you normally like before. It just means they have
accepted you even after you made that mistake. To get back to normal you need
to talk it out but only after they have forgiven you.
Sometimes people are just
surrounded by people who constantly praise them and never criticize them, and
when such a person faces someone who disagrees or criticize them, she or he
doesn’t know how to handle it except by fighting.
There are times you try your best
to avoid a fight. I have been in so many situations where just to avoid a
fight, I just kept quiet even if the other person was at fault. Sometimes it
worked, but sometimes it just blew in my face. And I cursed myself for not
speaking up every time. And that feeling was worse than being in a fight. So, keeping
mum may not be a good option always. It’s better to speak up, pour your
thoughts out. But do it skilfully, at the right time and in the right mood
(which can be tough to do sometimes). Communication is extremely important
after a fight. Don’t unresolved issues pile up because they will surely crop up
later and deal a bigger damage.
After every fight we make
promises either to ourselves or others that we won’t fight. But end up fighting
again. It’s a never-ending cycle. And I for one believes fights are necessary.
It not only helps to get to know a person more but also teaches us that no one
can be right all the time. I have always understood the respect and the value
of every relationship even more after a fight.
I have lost a lot important
people in my life due to my anger issues in the past. I used to take very rash
major decisions in my anger and I regretted them always. But I got control over
my anger by doing one simple thing. I just started thinking if I get angry now,
how much will it affect the other person and somehow all that anger went away gradually.
I became more understanding and got more control over my anger. I know it
sounds very text bookish but It helped me a lot. Not saying it will help you,
but I do think one general technique works for everyone. Just take two deep
breaths before you say something or before you are about to make a decision while
in a fight and you will see how you can control the outcome of any fight.
So, if you are in a fight, don’t fret
about it. Have some patience and wait for it to end. An apology never hurts
anyone even if it’s not your fault. And most importantly, communicate after a
fight. It will help to fill the void that every fight leaves in a relationship.
Communications have helped countries attain independence, what makes you think
it can’t resolve a fight.
But also remember, if you don’t disagree you won’t grow.
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